Masculine Initiative – Part 2

Matthew 11:12, “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.”

In other words Jesus is saying that to come into the Kingdom of Heaven requires deliberate, purposeful and determined action. Hopefully we understand that if the Kingdom of Heaven in this world or in our personal lives is to be advanced it is going to come with conflict. It is important for us remember that there are forces of evil which oppose God’s word and His work. Any bent towards passivity, isolation or avoidance of this battle leaves us vulnerable to the violence working against God and His church in this world.

That passivity keeps many of us from being honest and vulnerable with other men about our habitual patterns of sin, our marriages that are struggling, our anger, our envy, or whatever else is eating away at our hearts. We become violent by confessing our sins to one another so that healing might be realized.

Our isolating separates us from the community that can call us out of our tombs of isolation and the grave clothes that stink with self-hatred and shame. Other brothers call us out of that dark, dank cave into life. This takes a level of violence some of us have yet to grasp. This is where we need the violence to say, “No more, I choose to come out of the darkness of my shame and into the light of Jesus and His healing body.

In my struggle to live this out in my own life I needed eyes to see the Kingdom of God forcefully advancing in my life. It was, but I had no awareness that it was happening in spite of me. I needed eyes to see the initiation of the Father (speaking of God) moving towards me in my life. Back in those days I was pretty good, too good in fact, at feeling sorry for myself. I was well aware of my own need for the good of God’s initiation in my life because within me there was (and still is at times) this poverty spirit that says, “You’ll fail if you try.” And during that time, my habitual struggle with sin (pornography and masturbation) just reinforced that internal negative belief within me.

In Matthew 3:13-17 (read) John baptizes Jesus. In verse 17 the Father says, “This is my son…” and I love my son. Do you see the initiative of the Father wrapped up in that blessing? The father names him as son. Do you know why we love? We love because God first loved us and you can’t do anything to deserve it. Jesus hasn’t even performed any of His miracles at this point and yet his father says, “Son, I love you and I am well pleased with you.”

We see Jesus dunked in the river and as he emerges out of it, His Father’s heart forcefully advances towards him and engages with him. When the father’s initiative is not present, you either strive for approval, always looking to get noticed, or you live out of the “big self.” This is having an inflated sense of who you are. You live out of grandiosity.

I would have done anything to get my dad to say that he loved me and was well pleased with me! To receive his blessing, his affirming of me as a man, to know that I was good enough, would have set something within me that I felt was missing. I believe it would’ve given to me a passion, a strength, a willingness to risk living life to the full. Not caring what others thought of my appearance, the sound of my voice, or even the weakness of my prayers. But the character of my earthly father was one of violence that destroyed my initiative to advance into manhood. Yet as I’ve learned how to walk with God, I have found His character is one that blesses and affirms, one that loves and nurtures.

Until next time, may God empower you to stand in new ways against the violence you’ve experienced and the violence you will encounter.

Masculine Initiative – Part 1

Matthew 11:12 “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.”

I’ve always loved the intensity of this verse. It sounds so heroic, courageous, and filled with adventure. Yet, at times it seems as if men in the church, including myself at times, are in retreat. The kingdom is advancing and some of us are stuck, some of us are going backwards or nowhere fast.

So many of us have found a safe harbor in just being “good.” A good boy is one who finds his identity through his own goodness. A proper name for this would be we are performance oriented. Our righteousness isn’t found in Christ but in our “goodness.” Unfortunately these old wineskins of being the “good boy” can’t contain the new wine of God’s passion for us. This is a lifeless religion of duty and obligation and eventually destroys any masculine initiative within us.

Most of my life I have struggled in the area of masculine initiative. I have found it difficult to rise up to take my place as a man in different situations and relationships that have challenged me all through my life. Never feeling good enough about myself, always doubting that I had anything worthwhile to share and doubting that my prayers were relevant or powerful. Like Gideon (Judges 6:15) I saw myself as the least and the weakest in my family. I had a “poverty spirit” that could not believe that I could rise up and face and then overcome the challenges of life. I avoided risk for fear of failure.

All I’ve really wanted most of my life was for people to like me. Growing up, I was deprived of love, healthy touch and affirming words from my father, so I never knew internally if I was good enough. My dad expected me to be perfect. His expectations impaired my masculine initiative to pursue what I was really passionate about. Anytime I dared to attempt to “think for myself” he crushed that by humiliating me. So I came under his yoke of expectation and chose to try to be perfect; I became a “good” boy. I have found that the expectations of parents, culture, even our faith can weaken our resolve to risk or to color outside the lines. Hopefully you get what I mean?

That always meant I needed someone to tell me that I was good enough. Please give me something “to do” to prove how good I am. So I wasn’t seeking God for His guidance or affirmation I was seeking it in you! Tell me what to do! Because I don’t have the initiative to try something unless you tell me. To bring form and shape to my life in relationship with the Father had yet to be realized so I looked to people to bring that form and shape. This should have been imbued by my father throughout childhood.

So I had yet to develop the ability to quiet my heart to allow God to tell me who I was. I was still learning what it meant to be a sheep that knows the voice of the Good Shepherd. Without that truth and clarity, like a child I sought it in others who were well meaning but could not bring the healing I needed. I lacked the forcefulness of Matthew 11 and paid a price in my academic life, career, relationships, and as a Son of God. I lived my life inwardly, always wondering, “When is it my turn to be noticed?” This was born out of an emptiness within that I somehow could not shake. Some have called this a “lack of a sense of well being.” This has to do with early attachment to mother and the nurture she provides.

I will stop here to let you catch your breath and think on the things that pierced your heart as you read.