“I wanted my father to close the gap between us.” I needed to know that he cared about me.
Without that knowledge, I eventually became a “tell me what to do” kind of person. This way, I could show you how good I could be. Without my father initiating towards me, I lacked what I call masculine initiative. Now athletics helped be tap into that initiative, but it wasn’t enough. I lacked a forcefulness to lead and to speak up.
There was within me still this need for someone to care about me. After I became a Christian, I wondered if God the Father cared about me. Because I hoped that God would close the gap that I felt between us. But my eyes and my ears still hadn’t learned how to behold Him or listen to Him.
Matthew 3:17 shows us a wonderful picture of the Father moving in His power and initiative to name and bless his Son Jesus. That’s what I want!
My older brother rebelled and gave up on our father caring. I strived and sought his approval through my good work. If you think about it, we were kind of like the two brothers in the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15). But we had it the other way around, it was the grandiosity of the older brother and the striving and approval seeking of the younger brother, me. I could see my brother asking for his premature inheritance even though there wasn’t one to ask for. And there I was committed to duty. Isn’t that what being a Christian is all about? I was emotionally cut off and lacked the initiative to ask for a young goat to celebrate with my friends. My older brother lacked commitment and duty because in his grandiosity he was all over the place.
Fortunately, my story doesn’t end there. Over the years, my eyes and ears began to open, and I could see God the Father closing the gap between us. And I could hear his powerful voice tell me how much he loved me. Developing that ability to listen to that still small voice and to gaze on the beauty of the Father has healed the father wound within me and strengthened me to lead and speak truth to others.
Happy Father’s Day – Close the Gap